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Untapped Vein of Enthusiasm

May 25, 2016

General Zod and Hillary Clinton: The same tailor?

As you may know, I am a Bernie Sanders supporter. Though it is nearly June, I have not lost faith that he could win the Democratic nomination. Truman defeated Dewey. Donald Trump clinched the Republican nomination. Leo won an Oscar. It could still happen for Bernie.

Of course, you probably also know that I suffer from a debilitating condition called cynicism. A sunny day is too hot and an ice cube is a watery drink. Hillary Clinton could win the Democratic nomination.

In my Bernie Babe cynical mind, that would mean almost certain victory for Donald Trump in November. Even Republicans think that would be a disaster (at least they used to). America has had Clinton fatigue for  25 years. It seems unlikely that Hillary Clinton will be able to tap into some untapped vein of enthusiasm. For myself, I will not be voting for either one of them. Compromise is for diplomats.

The following is what would have to happen for Hillary Clinton to secure my vote in November:

  1. Give the bulk of her personal fortune to charitable organizations like Doctors without Borders. Repudiate accusations of greed by showing us what selflessness looks like.
  2. Come clean. Out with it. Stop hiding. Quit bullshitting. We want to hear what you really think, even if it’s batshit crazy. Honesty is the best policy and helps people to trust you.
  3. Find some new friends and advisers. Even if your team is the best in the world, they aren’t the best all the time. No one is. Stagnation breeds malaise, poison to the well of voters.
  4. Apologize profoundly and profusely for any mistakes you have made (Libya, Honduras, e-mail, that weird leather jacket you keep wearing that looks like something General Zod would wear.)
  5. Donald Trump is a joke. To treat him as anything else is giving him an opening. Your trademark laugh could serve you well in taking down this bully, but you and all your surrogates have already legitimized his campaign by launching into a general election campaign you haven’t actually earned the right to compete in yet. Laugh him off. Seriously. A well raised eyebrow and a dubious “Okay, Donald,” would go a long way to putting this clown in his place.

This election makes me feel like a computer playing tic-tac-toe against itself: frustrated.

Edit: I left this off the list because I forgot it and now it’s going to look like I am riding the news of his endorsement, but she needs to pick Governor Moonbeam (Jerry Brown) as her running mate. It is the only way of appealing to progressives without picking Sanders or Warren. In fact, if Sanders or Warren accepted many progressives would be turned off to the whole thing. They would view the whole system as corrupt. Jerry Brown is progressive enough, and while as a governor, he has been practical enough. And he is authentic which is what her campaign is lacking. In fact, I believe picking Jerry Brown is one of the only paths to victory she has left.

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